My Reaction to Adrian Peterson and the Cycle of Abuse
By: Matt Harmon
9/17/104
9/17/104
Admin note: I probably won’t have time to edit this piece, nor will I post this to the front page of BYB. Its best if you just read this as a series of free flowing thoughts. As a young, upstart NFL writer, I’ve thought it inadvisable to tweet much about this Adrian Peterson indictment. I don’t want my thoughts to be misconstrued into painting me as “the guy who said something stupid about Peterson”. However, I am a very socially conscious person, so I can’t really go without saying anything on the topic.
I've been quiet on the massive amount of social issues facing the NFL right now, and Adrian Peterson's transgressions in particular. Yet, the news continues to pour in, and I feel the need to get a few thoughts out in to the open. Being that I write about football, a few people have asked what my feelings are anyways, even though I am the farthest of all NFL outsiders.
This is an extra sensitive subject that has rightfully garnered plenty of deserved attention. As such, my words will elicit reactions from anyone who chooses to read them. While I don't anticipate my words being in any way offensive, you do have my sincerest apologies if my opinion does not sit well with you. Please, consider carefully what I have to say, and approach me about the subject before making a snap judgment. I'm not going to quote you any stats, but I will use the base knowledge I've gleaned as a social observer and that I learned in the academic arena studying the social sciences.
First of all, what Adrian Peterson did was wrong, very wrong. There is no reason to discipline your child in such a nature that it leaves the kind of scary marks from the photos of Peterson's son. None. It doesn't matter how angry they've made you or how far they crossed your directional lines, you don't do that to your child. No child deserves that. It even makes me uncomfortable just to hear someone say "I'm gonna whoop your tail if you don't listen" or any sort of threatening statement involving laying hands (or another object) on a child. And I've heard people I am close to use that sort of language with their children. Really, I'm against the use of any force in disciplining the youth. I personally think there are better ways to teach right from wrong, and a wealth of other options to consider as punishment.
Of course, I do not have children of my own, nor do I plan on having any at a point soon in the future. I have no experience making said calls, and I do not like playing parent for other people. But I will tell you, I've already made the decision to not raise any potential future children of mine with force being used as a punishment, and I don't see that changing. There is just too much anecdotal, academic and experiential evidence that it’s detrimental to a child for me to consider taking that path. If others do see force is within reason, I get it; but I won’t participate.
I say “within reason” but that brings me to my next point: where is the line? I think we can all safely agree what Peterson did was over the line. But we have to face two realities. He is not the only person that disciplines their child that way (not a justification), and there is even worse going out there. I work in human services as my day job. At one point in my brief career I worked with a client whose mother used to chain them up in the dark basement, and leave them there for hours with a plate of food just out of reach. That’s how she punished a human being, her own child. It’s obviously left a lifelong, irreversible impact on this person and established behavioral traits that manifest themselves to the detriment of their success. Perhaps its just because I have exposed myself to these cases for many years even before my career, but when I hear child abuse, my mind initially registers those cases. I don’t think of what Peterson did, even though it is absolutely a form of child abuse as well.
What Adrian Peterson did to his son(s) is a horrible thing to do. Intent is irrelevant. But does that make him a bad person? No, I don’t think it does. Is what he did worth being sickened by, uncontrollably sad for the family and angry that it happened? No doubt about it. But does that mean we should pick up our torch and pitchfork on social media, and form a relentless mob out for blood? My response is a resounding hell no. Our culture has become so reactionary, and so quick to hone in on one individual we miss the broader picture. As much as we love a star, we love to see them fall from glory even more. Sometimes its best to not post 50 tweets about something in the heat of the moment, and think on it for a few days instead. How does this “bring me his head” mentality work to solve anything? Does your defaming Peterson as a monster (without knowing the man) while stating the obvious that what he did was so very wrong make anything better? No, no and no.
To me, this situation isn’t should no longer be about Adrian Peterson at all. If found guilty, he’ll suffer the necessary consequences in the legal system in due time, just as any person in our country would. In my eyes, this issue should be about creating a dialogue, and examining why this happened.
I don’t know Peterson, but so many that have met him have come out since this incident and universally said he made an excellent impression as a man and that this is out of character. I’m not so naïve that I don’t believe in masks, but my gut tells me that’s still not what this is. If you listen to or read some of the quotes Peterson offered after being arrested for the child abuse charge he genuinely sounds like he has no idea what he did was wrong. That is frightening, but it shouldn’t be surprising. As a culture we have largely moved on from extreme punishments such as beatings with a switch. But lets not kid ourselves into think that every society, or factions of social groups in our own has done so. Peterson was allegedly beat just like this, and potentially worse, by his father growing up. And even other trusted adults disciplined Peterson in this way. He’s been conditioned to believe that this sort of raising has made him into the successful man he is today. I believe so much more of our reality is socially constructed than we give it credit for. When you view this event through that lens we begin to understand why such a seemingly good person did such a disgusting thing.
Abuse is a cycle. It starts at one person and it continues to trickle down through generations and other relationships until someone stands up and says enough is enough. Someone has to consciously choose to diverge from the path they were brought up on and put through; someone has to break the cycle. It’s clear as day that Adrian Peterson failed to be the one to break the cycle. But that’s where we come in. We need to start the call to break every cycle of abuse, not start the call to send Adrian Peterson to the gallows. Let’s use Peterson as a vehicle for change and education. Just like each and every wrongdoer on this planet, I believe in Adrian Peterson’s redemption and road to forgiveness, but that is his own path to wander. I’m more worried about our path as a human race.
What Peterson’s acts have thankfully done for all of us is they’ve got us talking. Nothing brings an issue to the forefront like a larger than life star messing up. Instead of using it to fill our gossip needs, lets do something constructive. Lets create a dialogue on the socio-economic, religious and cultural reasons that this sort of abuse is still allowed to disguise itself as discipline.
I wanted to live in a world where I can cheer for one of the best running backs to ever play the game of football that I love so much without feeling a sickness run through my veins. That world appears to no longer exist because of what Adrian Peterson did to his child. But we can still live in a better world because of what Adrian Peterson did to his child. I’m going to commit to putting aside my outrage and instead educate myself on the cycle of abuse. I’m going to commit to passing on the knowledge I gain to everyone I can, in any way that I can. I’m going to commit to doing what I can to eradicate this world of abuse masquerading as discipline.
Adrian Peterson’s indictment got me off my ass. Not to form an Internet mob of white-hot outrage, but rather to making this world a better place more full of love for each other. THAT is why I wrote this article, to serve as a first step in that creation. At the end of the day, that’s all we can do. I’d ask each of you to consider doing the same.
Thank you very much for reading. If you or someone you know is being abused, or hurting someone else, close this webpage and seek the proper help at once.
I've been quiet on the massive amount of social issues facing the NFL right now, and Adrian Peterson's transgressions in particular. Yet, the news continues to pour in, and I feel the need to get a few thoughts out in to the open. Being that I write about football, a few people have asked what my feelings are anyways, even though I am the farthest of all NFL outsiders.
This is an extra sensitive subject that has rightfully garnered plenty of deserved attention. As such, my words will elicit reactions from anyone who chooses to read them. While I don't anticipate my words being in any way offensive, you do have my sincerest apologies if my opinion does not sit well with you. Please, consider carefully what I have to say, and approach me about the subject before making a snap judgment. I'm not going to quote you any stats, but I will use the base knowledge I've gleaned as a social observer and that I learned in the academic arena studying the social sciences.
First of all, what Adrian Peterson did was wrong, very wrong. There is no reason to discipline your child in such a nature that it leaves the kind of scary marks from the photos of Peterson's son. None. It doesn't matter how angry they've made you or how far they crossed your directional lines, you don't do that to your child. No child deserves that. It even makes me uncomfortable just to hear someone say "I'm gonna whoop your tail if you don't listen" or any sort of threatening statement involving laying hands (or another object) on a child. And I've heard people I am close to use that sort of language with their children. Really, I'm against the use of any force in disciplining the youth. I personally think there are better ways to teach right from wrong, and a wealth of other options to consider as punishment.
Of course, I do not have children of my own, nor do I plan on having any at a point soon in the future. I have no experience making said calls, and I do not like playing parent for other people. But I will tell you, I've already made the decision to not raise any potential future children of mine with force being used as a punishment, and I don't see that changing. There is just too much anecdotal, academic and experiential evidence that it’s detrimental to a child for me to consider taking that path. If others do see force is within reason, I get it; but I won’t participate.
I say “within reason” but that brings me to my next point: where is the line? I think we can all safely agree what Peterson did was over the line. But we have to face two realities. He is not the only person that disciplines their child that way (not a justification), and there is even worse going out there. I work in human services as my day job. At one point in my brief career I worked with a client whose mother used to chain them up in the dark basement, and leave them there for hours with a plate of food just out of reach. That’s how she punished a human being, her own child. It’s obviously left a lifelong, irreversible impact on this person and established behavioral traits that manifest themselves to the detriment of their success. Perhaps its just because I have exposed myself to these cases for many years even before my career, but when I hear child abuse, my mind initially registers those cases. I don’t think of what Peterson did, even though it is absolutely a form of child abuse as well.
What Adrian Peterson did to his son(s) is a horrible thing to do. Intent is irrelevant. But does that make him a bad person? No, I don’t think it does. Is what he did worth being sickened by, uncontrollably sad for the family and angry that it happened? No doubt about it. But does that mean we should pick up our torch and pitchfork on social media, and form a relentless mob out for blood? My response is a resounding hell no. Our culture has become so reactionary, and so quick to hone in on one individual we miss the broader picture. As much as we love a star, we love to see them fall from glory even more. Sometimes its best to not post 50 tweets about something in the heat of the moment, and think on it for a few days instead. How does this “bring me his head” mentality work to solve anything? Does your defaming Peterson as a monster (without knowing the man) while stating the obvious that what he did was so very wrong make anything better? No, no and no.
To me, this situation isn’t should no longer be about Adrian Peterson at all. If found guilty, he’ll suffer the necessary consequences in the legal system in due time, just as any person in our country would. In my eyes, this issue should be about creating a dialogue, and examining why this happened.
I don’t know Peterson, but so many that have met him have come out since this incident and universally said he made an excellent impression as a man and that this is out of character. I’m not so naïve that I don’t believe in masks, but my gut tells me that’s still not what this is. If you listen to or read some of the quotes Peterson offered after being arrested for the child abuse charge he genuinely sounds like he has no idea what he did was wrong. That is frightening, but it shouldn’t be surprising. As a culture we have largely moved on from extreme punishments such as beatings with a switch. But lets not kid ourselves into think that every society, or factions of social groups in our own has done so. Peterson was allegedly beat just like this, and potentially worse, by his father growing up. And even other trusted adults disciplined Peterson in this way. He’s been conditioned to believe that this sort of raising has made him into the successful man he is today. I believe so much more of our reality is socially constructed than we give it credit for. When you view this event through that lens we begin to understand why such a seemingly good person did such a disgusting thing.
Abuse is a cycle. It starts at one person and it continues to trickle down through generations and other relationships until someone stands up and says enough is enough. Someone has to consciously choose to diverge from the path they were brought up on and put through; someone has to break the cycle. It’s clear as day that Adrian Peterson failed to be the one to break the cycle. But that’s where we come in. We need to start the call to break every cycle of abuse, not start the call to send Adrian Peterson to the gallows. Let’s use Peterson as a vehicle for change and education. Just like each and every wrongdoer on this planet, I believe in Adrian Peterson’s redemption and road to forgiveness, but that is his own path to wander. I’m more worried about our path as a human race.
What Peterson’s acts have thankfully done for all of us is they’ve got us talking. Nothing brings an issue to the forefront like a larger than life star messing up. Instead of using it to fill our gossip needs, lets do something constructive. Lets create a dialogue on the socio-economic, religious and cultural reasons that this sort of abuse is still allowed to disguise itself as discipline.
I wanted to live in a world where I can cheer for one of the best running backs to ever play the game of football that I love so much without feeling a sickness run through my veins. That world appears to no longer exist because of what Adrian Peterson did to his child. But we can still live in a better world because of what Adrian Peterson did to his child. I’m going to commit to putting aside my outrage and instead educate myself on the cycle of abuse. I’m going to commit to passing on the knowledge I gain to everyone I can, in any way that I can. I’m going to commit to doing what I can to eradicate this world of abuse masquerading as discipline.
Adrian Peterson’s indictment got me off my ass. Not to form an Internet mob of white-hot outrage, but rather to making this world a better place more full of love for each other. THAT is why I wrote this article, to serve as a first step in that creation. At the end of the day, that’s all we can do. I’d ask each of you to consider doing the same.
Thank you very much for reading. If you or someone you know is being abused, or hurting someone else, close this webpage and seek the proper help at once.
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